We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i've created a new STD.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
