i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
