I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
