hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
