I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
