we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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