Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
