so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
