OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
