Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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