I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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