that's an acceptable place to lick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
