Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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