theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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