I hate your face
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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