you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
