Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
