then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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