and next time when you feel me up, do it right
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
