Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
