I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
