im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
