my sisters under your porch take her home
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Are we still banned from the library?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
