conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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