Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Enjoy the penises
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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