I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i now understand why vodka
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