I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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