I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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