Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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