we have officially lost it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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