her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
