never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
