all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
pray to the hookup gods
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
