The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
