So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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