OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
