be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
