she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Randomize
