last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
