Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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