I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
