is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OPIZZABONMYDICK
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
