You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
