So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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