Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
