Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
