Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
