so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
