The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it because I queefed?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
