Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize