Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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