so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
