My room smells like vodka and shame
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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