Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came so hard my ears popped.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
