My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
