was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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