we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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