so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
