I cannot find my penis.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
