I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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