Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pants 0. Shit 1.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
as a side note pls kill me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
