The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
