You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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