well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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