all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
