I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Terrible idea I love it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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