I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
