I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
