It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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