Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
