Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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