I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Life is so much better after having sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
