nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
