It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
