Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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