Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The best revenge is premature balding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
