p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
