when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
